


Agatha Heterodyne Kisses (Almost) Every Girl

by docmatoi



Category: Girl Genius (Webcomic)
Genre: F/F, Ficlet Collection, Girls Kissing, Various AUs, Vignettes, thats the important part, they'll be pretty clear as to the vague premise of the au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:54:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27085177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/docmatoi/pseuds/docmatoi
Summary: One day I thought to myself "You know, there's not enough Sapphic stuff in gg fanworks." And while there are those who work towards fixing that, I can't just let them do all the work. This is the result. More vignettes to come as I complete them.
Relationships: Agatha Heterodyne/Hexalina Snaug/Sanaa Wilhelm, Agatha Heterodyne/Zeetha Daughter of Chump, agatha heterodyne/Jenka (Girl Genius)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 17





	1. Zeetha

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Ruby Rose Kisses (almost) Every Girl](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9392219) by [Xekstrin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xekstrin/pseuds/Xekstrin). 



Zeetha, daughter of Zantabraxus, of the Royarchy of Skifander. That was what they always announced her as, but they didn't believe it. None of them did. That didn't stop them from letting her participate in their bloodsport, of course. No, that would deprive them of their fun. 

Which suited Zeetha perfectly fine. She got to stomp on arrogant noble fools, and watching the crowd during her announcement let her keep an eye out for any flash of recognition. Any at all. Please, anything. 

… Nothing. Again. Zeetha sighed, and prepared to drown her angst in showy violence, which was definitely healthy. As she and her opponent girded themselves for the duel, however, a commotion in the crowd drew their- well, everyone's, really- attention.

A blonde woman in finery was making her way into the Foreigners’ Seats, escorted by three fierce looking bodyguards. Everyone else was very clearly keeping their distance while trying desperately not to look like they were avoiding her, though she appeared not to notice as she sat in the closest seat to the ring. Some feared noble, then?

"Hey boy," she said, because A: she couldn't remember what his name and title were, and B: it would be interpreted as a taunt. "Who's that? And why's everyone scared of her?"

Sir Whatever-His-Name-Was looked at her like she was stupid. "Did you grow up under a rock?"

"Maybe. That's not an answer, though."

“Wherever your supposed ‘Skifander’ is, it must be a kingdom of fools. _That_ is the Lady Agatha Heterodyne, daughter to the Lord of Mechanicsburg. And unless you are as foolish as your invented kingdom, you will avoid her vile attentions- The extents of Mechanian witchery know no boundary.”

As foolish as- 

**As foolish as?**

Zeetha’s eyes hardened into a glare, directly at Sir Will-Get-His-Noble-Ass-Kicked, before turning on her heel and walking towards the wall separating the Foreigners’ Seats from the arena. 

“Wha- Where are you going?”

“To do the exact opposite of what you told me!” But even as Zeetha stalked towards the apparently famous Lady Heterodyne, other reasons came to mind. Spiting that upstart **boy** was all well and good, but- A realm of witches and wizards? She didn’t know what was actually meant, but perhaps some kind of divination or prognostication could be done to verify the existence of Skifander. Also, associating herself with a power bloc that was used to being disliked could work out in her favor- such states tended to suffer manpower issues, according to what she recalled of her tutors, so they would take what they could get- like a mentally suspect swordmistress. And as she approached the wall where Herself was sitting just above head level, she encountered another, far simpler reason.

The Lady Heterodyne was possessed of _sublime_ beauty. Her smile as she watched Zeetha approach, her eyes half-lidded, the confidence with which she carried herself, everything about her combined to make an enchanting figure. Before Zeetha could introduce herself, however, the Lady Heterodyne cut off anything she could have said. 

“Well. I wasn’t expecting you today. Not even next week. What brings one of Ashtara’s people so far from her home?”

 _Ashtara._ It was all Zetha could do not to gape. “I am very lost, milady, and I wish to return to my homeland. You’re the first person not to call me a liar with their eyes when it is mentioned.”

“Fear not, my dear. My Lord Fathertraveled to your home in his youth, and no doubt still knows the secret way. If you return with me to Mechanicsburg, I am sure we could help you. But of course, there is a small matter...”

Ah. Payment. “I have very little money, milady. But you can rest assured of a rich reward when I am returned to my mother, the War Queen.”

A melodious laugh, echoed by her guards. “You mistake me, Princess. I have no need of money from you.”

“But, then…”

“Look to your opponent.” Zeetha did so. Prince Whoever stood there, impatiently fiddling with his scarlet hair. “What I want from you is this: Stop showing off for the crowds, and destroy him. All of them. In my name, with my favour, I want you to humiliate these men. Do that, and I will do all in my power to help you to find your home.” Turning back, Zeetha saw Lady Heterodyne’s hand, stretched down. “Do we have an accord?”

What other answer could there be? “Yes. Absolutely.” Zeetha reached for her hand, and found the Lady Heterodyne to have a grip of steel. 

Agatha’s grin was sharper than obsidian shards. “Receive my favour, then.” And with strength belying her form, she hauled Zeetha off the ground and into a kiss, her free arm curling up Zeetha's back and cradling her head. 

Zeetha couldn’t see, the long tresses of blonde hair covering her eyes.

She didn’t need to.

Zeetha couldn’t breathe, her lungs dominated with the breath of the Lady and her nose full of her perfume.

She didn’t need to.

Zeetha could barely think, her mind swarmed with relief, joy, and some boiling-burning feeling she didn’t want to name all struggling for primacy.

She didn’t need to.

All she needed was right here, holding her, gazing into her soul with those piercing green eyes.

Hours, moments, minutes, years later, Zeetha was released, and landed on her feet before the Lady. “Go,” She commanded. “Fight. Win. And I shall bring you home.”

Zeetha looked up into the Lady -- _**her** _Lady’s eyes, and saluted in the Skifandrian style. “Yes, my Lady Heterodyne!”


	2. Jenka

_This may have_ _been a mistake,_ Agatha thought to herself, as she almost immediately lost sight of the jägers among the murk of the forest. After the fighting at Zumzum, they’d disappeared, but Agatha had caught their trail going off into the dark. A faint glow resembling the green one’s eyes persisted in the direction they had been heading, and she followed as stealthily as she could, only to be stopped by a snuffling noise. Behind her. She whirled around- on her left now- behind her again-

Bear. 

Big Bear. 

Big Growling Bear.

Ok, back away, slowly, don't take your eyes off-

Tree.

"You know, pretty little birdz should not be flutterink around so late." A shadow detached itself from the tree Agatha had backed against, dropping in front of her without a sound as the bear backed away. "Dere's lots of tings dot may tink hyu's an easy target." The figure took several swaying steps forward. “Like Fust here.” A knife flashed in a moonbeam. “Und me.”

Why, oh, why hadn’t she grabbed her backup deathray? Think, Agatha. What would Lilith say?  _ If you can’t shoot something, bluff that it will be shot. _ “The night watch is expecting me back. If I’m not there and unharmed, they’ll send a squad out to look for me.”

"Ha! Leetle liar. Novun knows hyu iz here, least of all hyu townie vatchman. Lucky for hyu, I'm supposed to be meetink somevun." The knife vanished, and the figure got into Agatha's personal space, revealing a masked face, long white hair, and a pair of piercing sloe eyes. "So run bek to hyu parents, sveethot, before hyu make me late to my…” A sniff, a tasting of the air. “to my…” A deep, open-mouthed inhale. "my…" The eyes, practically touching Agatha’s own, dilated beyond what Agatha assumed was their normal low light state, black almost to the sclera. 

With a cracking voice the figure spoke once more. “...My lady?”

_ Oh.  _ Oh, Agatha could work with this. "Yes." The fear in her face drained away and her back straightened, even as the figure - the  _ jager- her _ jager _ - _ fell to her knees. "I am Agatha Heterodyne, daughter of Bill and Lucrezia." She was, wasn't she? And here was one sworn to her. Just like the wild jägers in Zumzum had been.  _ Her  _ subjects,  _ her _ responsibility,

"Hy- Hy had heard, but-"

"Ve told hyu, Jenka!" A horned head burst out of the brush next to Agatha, grinning smugly.

"Und hyu act like ve vos krezy!" And a long curtain of dark hair fell into the horned jäger's face, followed by the rest of the purple jager. 

The newly named Jenka didn't react, only looking up to Agatha's face with awe bordering on the religious, practically hyperventilating as she tried to sniff in more air then she put out.

Agatha didn't know much about the jägers, and certainly didn’t know anything about Being The Heterodyne. But she had read plenty of stories of loyalty, lost and found, so she knew how this part went.

... probably.

She ran her hand down Jenka's jawline, to cup her cheek. Jenka leaned into it, her eyes half-lidded as she drank in the feeling of the contact and the smell of her bloodline. 

“Mistress,” Jenka sighed, her voice faint. “Ve haff been waiting for you… for a long time.”

Agatha leaned down to place a kiss on Jenka’s forehead, before she replied, “I know. And I’m sorry. But I’m here now, and I won’t be lost again.”


	3. Snaug/Wilhelm

The Primar of Zandru was a highly respected individual. His opinion was honored by half the towns in this part of the Carpathians. He was the closest thing to a leader the region had, and that he seemed receptive of Agatha Heterodyne's diplomatic overtures was good news for her plans of a peacefully United Romania.

He was also absolutely repugnant, in both behavior and opinion. His demand for them to meet in his own territory was a transparent ego play, his proposals for mitigation of Spark-related damage involved hot irons and amputations, and worst of all, he talked with his mouth full. 

So to see his fortress in ruins was _greatly_ satisfying. Agatha looked over to the pair trying and failing to maintain straight, non-smug faces. Hexalina and Sanaa had had a rough start, but their so-called ‘rivalry’ always disappeared in the face of outside issues. Such as the Primar of Zandru and Agatha’s quite evident Opinions on him. “Is there anything specific here I should deny any knowledge of?” 

“No!”

“Of course not, Mistress!”

Cute. They were able to say that with absolute confidence. “And if the Baron asks why the Primar of Zandru appears to have died of multiple shots from a Covalence Disruptor?”

“You ask him when the Primar of Zandru died, Mistress!”

“After all, you didn’t see him!” 

“Because you weren’t here!” 

“You weren’t even _supposed_ to be here until _next_ week. Its in his itinerary! I guess he must have changed it in a hurry, given how hard he scratched out the old meeting date.”

Agatha smiled, and the inseparable duo’s faces lit up- expecting praise, no doubt. Well, Agatha had something better for them. “Come here, you two.” Gathering one of them under each arm, she pressed her lips to the top of each of their heads in turn. “I’m very lucky to have the two of you, you know?”

Her words and actions caused Hexalina to squeal and Sanaa to blush, before they both snuggled themselves harder into her sides. “We love you too, Mistress!”

“Y-yeah. We love you…”

And with that, hand in hand in hand in hand, they went home.

**Author's Note:**

> Big thank you to @AVagueDownwardSaunter, @Wicked_Sanguine, and @phoenixyfriend for beta reading these for me and encouraging me.


End file.
